Mom, you left us too soon…

Death… something so natural, yet, so hard to understand, to process and to move on from…

How do you explain a 7 year old girl that her mom is no longer with her, that this time she will not come back from the hospital? I don’t remember much from that day… in fact, even if this sounds horrible… I don’t remember the date… All I remember is my mom being really sick… again… being taken to the hospital and as the routine went back on the day, we stayed with our neighbors, and we would go and see her after school, like we always did.  This time though, there was something different… My aunt had come from Venezuela, and in the midst of happiness due to her arrival… I could feel something… I couldn’t put my finger on what it felt like… sadness may be?

But everything was the same, same routine. We went to school, then we went to visit mom in the hospital after school… She always had a smile on her face, she was never sad, never cried around us, always faithful that things would get better…

Then, one day, dad came home… late… very late… and told us he needed to talk to us… he sat us both on the table… And I can’t remember his exact words… but is sounded something like… “Your mom was very sick… and she’s not coming back… she’s sleeping and she will be sleeping for a very long time…”  I remember watching my brother… He had no expression… He just sat there… and kept saying no… no…. no… there were no tears… He didn’t move for what it seemed like forever… And when he finally moved… he just left the room.

I, on the other hand started crying right away, I think I started screaming too… I can’t remember, but there was no consolation for my pain… She wasn’t coming back… never again… I wasn’t going to see her… I wasn’t going to see her smiley face… I wasn’t going to hear her sing,  or play the organ, or anything else ever again… I was never going to be able to give her a hug… she was gone… gone forever…

We said our good byes… like it’s expected, but in our hearts would never really let go…

She left us… and I know she’s in a better place.

I have been blessed with two amazing moms… One that left us too soon… And one that came into our lives to give us her all, that treated us like we were her own and still does… And I love her with all my heart…

But there’s something about losing a loved one… a wound that is never completely healed… And time helps… It helps accept that she’s not around anymore… but it doesn’t close the wound completely… And there are days that all I wish for is seeing her smiley face again… even if it’s just for a few seconds.

My beautiful mom… How I miss you…

Death, something so natural, and the only thing that is for sure in our lives but something that is so hard to assimilate.  Love the people you have while you have them, tell them you love them, hug them, make them laugh… Appreciate every single moment you have with them… Don’t wait until it’s too late to tell them what you feel and to give them that hug you’ve been holding back.  Remember that we’re not promised tomorrow….


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