Letter to you, my little one…

This is to you, my little precious princess…

My little princess you were the calm in the middle of the storm… You became my hopes when everything seemed to be lost… When I found out I was carrying you, my life changed, it turned my world upside down… I was so worried, and so happy… I was so worried I would not be good enough for you…

You became the center of my attention, I changed my habits for you… I started to eat better, stopped smoking, slept the right amount of hours… And was careful of what I did and how I did it, because I didn’t want to hurt you…

I used to love to look at the mirror at my once empty belly and think that you were there…

Your little tiny heart beating… Your little body was forming… and soon I’d feel you in my arms, I would hold you and protect you with my life, and I wouldn’t let you go… I used to fantasize how your little beautiful face would look like… What you would sound like… I used to imagine what it would be like the first time you looked at me… What color your eyes would be… And your hair? What color would it be? Were you going to look like me?  All these questions, dreams and thoughts going through my head…

Every time I went to the store… I’d look for little outfits for you, I could picture how beautiful you would look like in a little dress or a tutu…. You would look like a little princess straight out of a Disney movie… But I would teach you to be strong… To voice your opinions…To never give up and above all, to not wait for prince charming to come to your rescue… Because you wouldn’t need rescuing… You would always have me by your side…

But one day… All that changed, the doctor told me you weren’t there any more… that your little precious heart was not beating any more… But how could this be? I still felt you inside of me… You were there! I knew it… But no one else seemed to understand…. That you were still there… inside me… fighting for one more chance… I refused to believe them and hang on to you as close as I could… And for as long as I could… But one day I had to face the truth, you weren’t there anymore.
From that day on, you became my little angel…My little princess, now you have wings, now you are in a better place, where there is no pain… A place where everything is perfect, and I am still here, hoping you were here, looking at me, hugging me… You left too soon, I never got to hold you tight, I never had the chance to look into those beautiful eyes like I once imagined I would. I didn’t have a chance to teach you everything I wanted to, and that tore me apart, from that moment on every day I wish you were here, I imagine what my life would be like if you were around…

But I know one day I will hold you in my arms, I will hold you tight, I will give you all the love I have in my heart, and I will not let you go… Until then… Until I see you again… Please watch over me… Send me strength, and don’t forget my little princess, that I will always love you! I will always hold you in my heart very dearly… Until then, walk with me every step of the way… My dear little princess I will always love you, please don’t forget it.